• Dani La Barrie, LCSW, CAP

How I Manage Society's Expectations with an Affinity(Addiction)

"To know what that true self is without social pressure is to know your true nature."

- Martha Beck

I write this particular blog article carefully so as to not offend any of my friends...

...Have you ever heard of the saying 'comparison is the thief of joy'? Even though I had heard of it before, I didn't realize I was subconsciously engaging in it..

For those of you who don't know, I am 30 years old. I have been working in the Substance Abuse & Mental health field since I was 20 years old. I got my Master's Degree when I was about 21 years old. I've recently discovered my workaholic tendencies and slight Affinity for my cell phone...

Of most of my friends, I am one of the few with no kids, unmarried...

I don't know if I need to tell you what my Facebook newsfeed looks like.. the babies (or fiances...husbands..) in their pumpkin patches. If you are one of my readers and you fall into this category, I praise you! And I acknowledge you for having accomplished these things already.

..I would also like to acknowledge us outliers though..

I think it's important that no woman is left behind, lol.

For those of you reading this who feel pressured by society's standards in some way, shape, or form.

.....Actually, now that I think about it, the aforementioned women could relate to this as well because I could only imagine the perfect-Pinterest-Mom pressures there must be out there.

How do we cope with you're:

- too fat

- too skinny

- too soft spoken

- too loud

- too weak

- too strong


For those of us who tend to feel like we aren't where we're supposed to be, because society says so -- Forget society's standards!

So now what Dani and what does this have to do with an Affinity(Addiction)??

Sometimes people engage in Affinities (Addictions) because they want to suppress the anxiety, stress, or other unpleasant feelings that come along when we compare ourselves to others....when we're on our hamster wheel trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations we have subconsciously placed on ourselves.

So how I shift:

- Finding inner strength and practicing acceptance. One day, I spent some time really tuning into my self-talk, and I realized I'm REALLY hard on myself. I accept where I'm at. I remind myself that though there are people better off there are also people worse off. And my situation could always be worse.

- I stop comparing myself to others. This one is really easy for me to fall into. I tend to do it without even realizing it sometimes. We each have our different stories and different lives. You NEVER know what someone else's story and challenges are.

- I INTENTIONALLY choose to do the things I KNOW not only support me in experiencing happiness but also 'pour into my cup' (or are fulfilling). Because I work a lot and have such limited time, I make sure to spend my time very wisely. I only do things in my free time now that I know will make deposits into my soul account.

- Spend time with other women who relate to my struggles. FIND YOUR TRIBE. Finding a tribe of women who you can relate to really helps give you like a back up team. Your back up dancers for this insane show called life, haha.

- Taking a break from social media. I try to be mindful of my mood when I scroll through social media. I noticed recently my mood declining and feeling slightly down one time when I was on my Facebook.. Not that this happens ALL of the time, but once in awhile I'll notice it. When that happens, I close it out, I put my phone down, and I go do something else. For some of you this might sound really strange, but for those of you who know what I'm talking about: I hope this supports you.

If you think about it, in reality, NONE of us fit in a box. WE ALL have different stories, experiences, and backgrounds.

So if you're feeling like you don't belong...technically, NONE of us do. haha.

love always,


#Affinity #AffinityCare #WhatsYourAffinity #societyexpectations #socialpressure #dontputmeinabox

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"Dani has helped me realize the potential I have to live a happy, successful life. She is an inspiration to all. She met me where I was at and encouraged me to become the best version of myself. She is one of the most genuine and caring people I have met on my journey to recovery. I would not have the outlook on life I do today if it wasn't for her help. She has been an absolute blessing in my life. If you have the opportunity to work with her, I highly recommend you take it."

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